Auhorz Nut: (haha! did u c wat i did thar? im liek jake teehee!)
Hello. Do not adjust your computer screen... for it is I, Benji (that guy Jake bitches about all the time)! I have hijacked this fic for my own pleasure (and hopefully yours)... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Since Jake just loveeeeesssss to portray me as the villain in his life, I figured why not give my own "villain explains his motives while the good guy is tied up" speech (for you tropers out there, a "Just Between You And Me" talk)? Of course, in this case, Jake isn't so much tied up as he is locked out of his account permanently, of which I have free range over! Oh the wonders a tech-genius boyfriend can do while you lock him and yourself in your step brother's room to screw with his computer... anyway, moving on.
As I'm sure you all know, Jake has been quite the heinous presence within my life since I first met him (I was 13 when my mother married his and Matthew and Landon's father; Jake a mere tadpole of 10, already cursing like a sailor and with an (un)healthy interest in sex). In December, 2010 he announced to me his plan to write his own fanfiction. I thought nothing of it, but little did I know what he would create. Cue him posting it in January, 2011 and unleashing horrors (and unintentional humor) the likes of which mankind had not seen since at least "Face the Strange". He showed an extreme determination to keep the fic going, too. It was
then I decided something...
Cut to October, 2011. 10 months and 69 chapters later, my mom and his dad have divorced, I'm about to move out, and the monstrosity is finally complete; or so he thought. What he did not realize was my plan which has been months in the making: Write a chapter attempting to rectify his raping of the Naruto franchise and canon to the best of my abilities, and end this shit once and for all. I have no guarantee of my success, but dammit, I tried!
Before going to the story, however, I would like to clear the name of young Katie (Jake's ex). After befriending her, she opened up to me. This is what caused their break up, but anyway... during that time before the break up, she revealed to me several things: 1) Not only did she not want to really write her fanfic, but she didn't want to write it in that style, either. Jake basically begged her for weeks to write it, and so she did. Unfortunately, he also wanted to supervise it, advising her to not use spell check and the like and essentially being her beta reader. Needless to say, that didn't end well. 2.) They did not have sex, and she is apparently a virgin. Jake constantly asked her for it, but she never really gave in. Instead, they reached an "agreement" of sorts, where she would say she had sex with him, and promote Jake's pro-underage-sex agenda and whatnot, while not actually having to do any of it. This even led to her getting grounded by lying to her parents about her supposed sexual activity. I confronted Jake about this, asking if what she had told me was true, and he denied it for a while, until finally breaking down and yelling at me about how she
was a "stuck up prude bitch" and was also a loser for choosing to remain a virgin. I asked Katie why exactly she stayed with him for so long, and she said it was apparently because for the most part, he could be sweet and generally seemed to care about her, as well as the fact that he's the first boyfriend she's ever had- she
didn't know an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. Thankfully, she does now, and she's trying to get a fresh start in High School. I wish her the best, and hope you all forgive her for her minimal involvement in this dreck.
Anyway, as one last quick quick preface, I just want to add that I honestly have not seen or read much Naruto - my only exposure comes from some of the manga Jake owns, and some of the episodes he's watched. I did some research independent of that, though, and have tried to remain as close as I can to canon (specifically the main trio), without going through every episode, something which I don't have time
for. The other two members of Team 7, as well as Team 8 and 10 will continue to remain conspicuously absent, though. Also! I want to give some credit to Dragonhunter (she's been here since the the beginning!) and Cannon of Canon, who did a great mini-alternate ending a while back as a review, for providing the
inspiration for some of this.
Now, without further adieu, I present to you the Alternate Ending Finale to Naruto: Veangance Revelaitons...
Just then, a cut appeared within the seemingly infinite white plain. The cut revealed darkness within it, and then... a hand. Soon enough, a familiar face came through it, stepping onto the plain.
It was Edfred.
"wtf r u doing her gtfo!11!" shouted Ronan, in a vain effort to keep Sakura with him. However, the Genjutsu's - and his - hold on her had been weakened, with the "eternal sex" thing being a last-ditch effort to keep Sakura with him. And it had now failed.
Sakura felt herself drawn to Edfred, looking at him dazed, and slowly walking toward him.
"SAKURA! YOU MUST COME WITH ME NOW! THERE IS NO TIME TO HESITATE! COME TO ME AND TAKE MY HAND!" he demanded.
"NOOO]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]!111!" yelled Ronan in a distinctly deeper, and now more sinister voice.
Sakura looked back at him; she wanted to be with him but... for some reason, Edfred felt more important. She arrived by his side and he took ahold of her hand, after which they both then leapt through the tear, it closing behind them. Sakura landed with a soft thud, and on something that felt... familiar. She opened
her eyes wide and looked around; trees. They were rattling slightly in the light wind. The moon shined down over the land, and she realized that what she felt was... grass. "That was it! Grass!" she thought. It was cold, but soothing to her. The feeling of the blades of grass touching her body was a sensory experience the likes of which she had not known in what seemed to be forever.
"SAKURA? ARE YOU OK?" piped Edfred
"I'm... fine? I feel... good. Yes. Good... wait, why are you helping me?"
"MISS HURANO, I HAVE JUST RESCUED YOU FROM ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL STUS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN ALL MY YEARS AS A SUE HUNTER..."
"A STU. I HAVE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW! WE MUST MAKE HASTE TO THE HIDEOUT. YOU NEED REST, HEALING, AND PERHAPS SOME TEA"
"Oh-ok..." Sakura said in a flabbergasted tone. Edfred then firmly grasped her arm, and the two hurried off.
Eventually, they both approached a distinctly western-style home - similar to something one might find in the Kitano-Ijinkan area of Kobe.
"Is... is this the hideout?" asked Sakura.
"I don't ever remember this being here...?"
"IT IS TEMPORARY AND WAS ONLY BUILT RECENTLY. NOW MOVE ALONG!"
Edfred and Sakura both entered the home. Inside it was elegantly decorated, and looked distinctly Victorian. Sakura sat down in a large chair as Edfred went into the kitchen to make the tea, still trying to come to grips with everything that had happened.
After several minutes, Edfred came out with a tray, on which lied 3 cups as well as the teapot itself. He swiftly poured both himself and Sakura a cup.
"HERE." said Edfred, handing Sakura the tea.
The large, ornate living room fireplace crackled in the background as Sakura sipped at her tea. She had not tasted it in so long... because of Ronan? It tasted wonderful and refreshing... unlike semen, which seemed to be what she tasted the most of these days. She retched at the thought.
"S-so..." Sakura stuttered, clutching her tea.
"YES. I NEED TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU... BUT FIRST, THERE IS SOMEBODY I THINK YOU'D LIKE TO SEE."
Just then, a familiar face walked into the room.
"KAKASHI!" She quickly set down her tea and rushed over to him, embracing him in a strong hug. "Oh my gosh... I thought... thought you were..."
"Dead?" replied Kakashi; "That's just what Ronan wanted you to think."
"But wait... where's Naruto?" she asked. A silence then came over the room.
"Kakashi... Edfred...where's Naruto?" she demanded. Then the possibility dawned on her.
"No... he... he can't be..."
"He's not dead, Sakura, but..."
"HE IS IN A COMA. AND HAS BEEN FOR A WHILE."
"Can I see him?" she asked solemnly.
Edfred slowly guided Sakura and Kakashi to a small room, where Naruto lie unconscious on a bed. Sakura began to tear up, and gently brushed his face and hair with her head.
"Will he... ever get out of it?" she asked meekly.
"THE GENJUTSU WAS POWERFUL... AND WHEN RONAN AND HIS CREATOR THREW HIM OUT OF IT SO BRUTALLY, DUE TO WANTING TO FOCUS ON THE OTHERS, IT LEFT HIM LIKE THIS..."
"Isn't there anything we can do!" Sakura begged.
"ONLY TWO THINGS... FIRST, THIS" Edfred then pulled out yet another tray, this one having a highly aromatic tea on it.
"GIVE THAT TO HIM" he said, and so Sakura took the cup and opened his mouth, forcing it down his throat, tears flowing down her cheeks.
"What does it do?" she asked.
"IT IS A HEALING TEA THAT MAY HELP HIM REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS"
Edfred then continued; "SECONDLY; DEFEATING RONAN. HOWEVER, EVEN WITH BOTH THESE THINGS COMBINED, I STILL DO NOT KNOW IF HE WOULD WAKE UP..."
"Then all we can do is try..." said Kakashi mournfully. A moment or two of silence passed, until Edfred broke it:
"BUT YOU TWO. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM. NARUTO MUST BE LEFT ALONE!" He said in a firm tone.
Sakura and Kakashi were somewhat surprised by Edfred hurrying them out of Naruto's room, but went along with it.
"Right then... I guess I need this explained to me..." Sakura said, getting her thoughts back on the predicament she was currently in, and sitting down on the couch with Kakashi by her side.
"NOW UNFORTUNETLY, I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO YOU THE TRUE NATURE OF A SUE OR STU FOR IT WOULD CAUSE A META EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. HOWEVER, I CAN EXPLAIN TO YOU THIS; RONAN IS MOST CERTAINLY A STU. HE IS, FIRST AND FOREMOST, CONTROLLED BY ANOTHER BEING, MUCH LIKE I MYSELF AM, THOUGH MALEVOLENT IN RONAN'S CASE. RONAN HAS ADAPTED HIMSELF TO YOUR
UNIVERSE, BENDING IT TO HIS AND HIS CREATOR'S WILL; SPECIFICALLY USING AN UNUSUAL GENJUTSU OF ENORMOUS POWER THE LIKES WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE."
"But Genjutsus hold the person in place... or knock them out. I know I was moving around" said Sakura.
"AS I SAID BEFORE: IT IS A GENJUTSU UNLIKE ANY OTHER... RONAN'S CREATOR MADE THE POWERS OF YOUR WORLD CONFORM TO HIS NEEDS... AND HE DID SO WITH THE GENJUTSU. UNFORTUNATELY, OR RATHER THANKFULLY, HIS OWN NEED FOR THE GENJUTSU TO BE AS IN DEPTH AND REALISTIC SEEMING FOR HIS VICTIMS CAUSED IT TO BECOME SO ELABORATE AND CONVOLUTED IT ENDED UP BEING VIOLENTLY UNSTABLE, WHICH IS WHAT ALLOWED ME TO GET TO YOU."
"But why Sakura? Why did he focus on her so much? Why not Hinata or..." said Kakashi, trailing off.
"RONAN'S CREATOR HAS A SICK, POSSESSIVE LUST FOR SAKURA, AND HAS FOR A LONG TIME. THAT IS THE REASON FOR HIS FOCUS ON SAKURA."
"Ok... what about the Madara and Sasuke? Are they still alive? Or the council? And Mandy, Atni, and Ekaj? Were any of them real? Or -"
"SLOW DOWN! LET ME ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. MADARA AND SASUKE ARE NOT DECEASED. RONAN AND HIS CREATOR SIMPLY PUSHED THEM OUT OF THE GENJUTSU, MAKING IT TO YOUR EYES LOOK LIKE HE KILLED THEM. AS FOR THE COUNCIL AND THE OTHERS... THEY WERE MERELY FIGMENTS OF THE GENJUTSU."
"BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, SAKURA; ULTIMATELY IT IS YOU WHO MUST DEFEAT HIM. NOT NARUTO. NOT KAKASHI. NOT I. YOU; BECAUSE OF RONAN AND HIS CREATOR'S PERVERSE FONDNESS FOR YOU, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO HIM TO DELIVER THE FINAL BLOW... AS WELL, THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO PERFORM SAID FINAL BLOW."
Edfred paused, quickly opening a big trunk by his side, and pulling out a large ornate axe; "WITH THIS. HE MUST BE DECAPITATED!"
Sakura gulped loudly.
"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Edfred declared emphatically.
"D-do you always have to talk like that?"
"YES! I HAVE A SPEECH DISORDER CALLED CAPSLOCHIA PERMANANSIS! I CANNOT HELP IT!" Edfred seemed about to cry.
"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offen-"
"IT'S OK! MOVING ON. " He said in a chipper tone, before attempting to continue, only for Sakura to stop him:
"Wait" she said.
"Why do I have to use that axe? I mean, I still don't understand why it has to be me that kills him anyway..."
"SAKURA, IN THE CASE OF STUS LIKE RONAN, ONLY THOSE THAT THE STU AND THEIR CREATOR LUST FOR THE MOST ARE THE ONES WITH THE POWER TO DEFEAT THE STU... THAT AXE IS INTERTWINED WITH THAT. THE ONLY PERSON WHO MAY WIELD IT IS THE PERSON WHOM THE STU MOST DESIRES. ONCE IN HAND, THE AXE BINDS ITSELF WITH THE USERS MIND, CONNECTING ITSELF TO THE FALSE AFFECTION THE USER MAY FEEL TOWARD THE STU AND/OR THE AFFECTION FROM THE STU TOWARD THE USER, AND THEN CHANNELS THAT ENERGY INTO ITS POWER SOURCE, SO AS TO DELIVER A
POWERFUL BLOW TO DEFEAT THE STU. MAKE SENSE?"
"Uh... yeah... I guess..."
"NOW, BEFORE SAKURA CAN DELIVER THE FINAL BLOW, WE - WE MEANING KAKASHI, MUSKOKA, AND MYSELF - SHALL FEED UPON RONAN'S WEAKNESSES. IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN WEAKEN HIM ENOUGH FOR YOU TO KILL HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL."
"FIRST; WE SHALL PLAY MODERN MUSIC. SECOND; MUSKOKA AND I SHALL PASSIONATELY MAKE OUT. THIRD; KAKASHI, SHALL PREPARE TRADITIONAL JAPANESE DISHES THAT WILL DIGUST RONAN. FOURTH... WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, SAKURA."
"Yeah..." she said meekly.
"BUT NOW! IT IS TIME FOR REST."
"Wait, I have one more question" said Sakura.
"Why did you to talk so... complicatedly before, even though you're not really doing it now?"
"OH. I JUST DID THAT TO FUCK WITH RONAN AND HIS CREATOR."
And with that, all four went to sleep, anxiously awaiting the following day. The next morning after waking up, Edfred informed Sakura that she would have to do something in order to make Ronan come out of hiding.
She'd have to act as bait.
Sakura stood at the bottom of a hill, where the entrance to a forest lied. She then began her dialogue:
"Oh Ronan... please come out. I need you. I so desperately need a man, and a nice big... ugh... cock in my... pussy. Please please please, come out now. I want to be with you. You're the greatest most logical man whoever lived, so please come back to me." Sakura said this in the most deadpan tone possible, clearly displeased with what she was having to say.
After several moments, nothing had happened.
"This isn't working!" she whispered harshly to Edfred (who was hiding behind a tree) whilst gritting her teeth, but then she heard a zap. She then saw Ronan running down the hill towards her.
"NOW!" she screamed. Ronan's face started to show a look of confusion on it.
"HEY! ASSHOLE!" yelled Kakashi. Ronan stopped in his tracks only halfway down the hill, then looked toward the entrance of the forest to see Kakashi standing in front of Edfred and Muskoka, both of whom were holding up a very large boombox. Kakashi stepped out of the way, Edfred pressing the "play" button on the stereo.
"I'M GONNA MARRY THE NIGHT/WONT GIVE UP ON MY LIFE... " blared the radio. Ronan then began to writhe in pain, trying desperately to plug his ears.
"mak it sotp! olz make it suop!11" he yelped, then tried to run slowly back up the hill.
Edfred and Muskoka sat the stereo down on the ground, then told Kakashi to get his large pot of Miso Ramen ready. The two then quickly ran in front of Ronan, stopping him from escaping. They then began to make out.
"NIIIIIIIII!11!" screamed Ronan, horrified at the site of two men passionately making out. The two began to grope each other, and this then caused one of Ronan's worst fears to come true: Losing his penis.
"AGHHH NO!1!" he screamed. He could feel his penis disintegrating within his pants.
The intense pain of this caused him to tumble backwards down the hill, landing right in front of Kakashi.
"plz stup./" he begged, his bloodshot eyes filling with tears.
"You wish. Now, OPEN WIDE!"
Kakashi looked at him with glee, as Muskoka and Edfred came over to forcibly open Ronan's mouth.
With his mouth open, Kakashi preceded to pour the pot of authentic Miso ramen straight into Ronan's mouth. Ronan tried to swat them away and make his mouth resist, but was too weak.
Ronan could feel his insides burning and bubbling, melting within him. He new if he did not somehow find away to escape soon, that he would die. Once finished with the Ramen, Kakashi then brought out a smaller pot, this pot containing Sukiyaki.
"jst stp ples ahh1!" Ronan begged, but to no avail. Kakashi then poured the Sukiyaki into Ronan's mouth. Once done with that, he finished off Ronan's "meal" with some Anpan and Wagashi.
Edfred, Muskoka, and Kakashi all took a step back, as they watched Ronan thrash a bout, yelping in agony.
"NOW SAKURA! DO IT NOW! ONLY YOU CAN DEFEAT HIM!" yelled Edfred.
Sakura ran toward them, but then stopped, staring at Ronan with hesitation. She wanted him dead, and she knew that she was the only one with the power to do it... and yet, deep down inside, something was telling her not to go through with it.
Ronan's Genjutsu had been intertwined with Sakura's mind for so long, it was as if... maybe... she still felt love for him.
"sa saruka,,,," uttered Ronan in a pathetic voice, as he lay on the ground, coughing up blood. Hearing him speak to her in this situation made it seem like the whole world had stopped - gone black - as if only they, and they alone, were left.
"Y-yes... Ro-ronan?" she replied.
"i luv u" he said back.
The utterance of these words to her felt like a knife to Sakura's heart. Was it true? Did he love her? Did she still love him?
She thought back to Ronan's definition of "luv."
"You degraded my friends. You stole my virginity. You abused me. You made me do the most vile sex acts imaginable. You made me compliant to crimes against humanity. At this point, I don't even know what of that was the Genjutsu and what was reality, but regardless, I only have one real response to your declaration of 'i luv u': FUCK. YOU!"
And with that, Sakura heaved the axe into the air, and let it fly down upon Ronan's neck, severing his head from his body. She stood there for a moment, breathing heavily, inky dark red blood having spattered her face.
"Sakura..." asked Kakashi meekly.
She did not respond, still recovering from the catharsis of it all.
"Sakura..." again; no response.
"Sakura!" he finally said with force, and she then looked upon him.
"Edfred says you need to step away..."
"Wh-" Sakura started, before...
"NOW!" Kakashi yelled.
Sakura took one quick glance at Ronan's body to see it was cracking all over, almost like porcelain. An ethereal black light was seeping through the cracks. Once the cracks became big enough, the pieces of his body would fall to the ground where they would almost instantaneously disintegrate, as more light began to radiate from it.
"RUN! NOW!" demanded Edfred. No longer being brainwashed idiots, Kakashi and Sakura obeyed as if their life depended on it (which, it did).
The group ran up the hill as fast as possible, while Ronan's body lie at the bottom, having completely broken down; though being so volatile as to create a small crater in the earth. The light from his body, however, had coalesced into a beam that seemingly went all the way into the clouds.
"What's going on?" asked Sakura.
"THIS IS ITS DYING ACTION. A SWAN SONG, IF YOU WILL."
"What's swan song?" asked Kakashi
"THE SOUL OF A GARY STU. IT KNOWS IT'S ABOUT TO BE COLLECTED." The light then slowly faded. Sakura and Kakashi made a step forward to go inspect what was left, but Muskoka halted them.
"Sorry guys. Eddy has to do this on his own." he said.
"Oh... good luck then, Ed." said Kakashi; "Yes, good luck." Sakura said, agreeing with him.
"THANK YOU" he said, and he then descended the hill for the soul, his crystalline soul container in hand.